The Act

Here's the video my group made for the Writers Paris Film Festival. Thanks to Courtney Rome, Mountain Nomad, Kurt Cobain and Madison Larsen.

Lost in Her Reverie

https://youtu.be/fafx3LOtHjU

I won't even be in class on Friday to watch the film festival but here's the video I helped my friend Sam make for it. Lost in Her Reverie shows what people daydream about, including memories, fears, accomplishments, hopes, regrets, wishes and love. What do you daydream about?

Dear Violet Luster

Dear Violet Luster,

Thanks for giving me a blog to look forward to reading every week

It was the only one I've read every post on

And I'm so glad your name was the one I got

I've never painted a person before so I thought I'd try it out

And it didn't turn out too bad 

So enjoy my mediocre painting of you 

And keep up the great work on your blog!

Sincerely, Jesse Kristin

P.S. Your snapchat stories give me life :)))

Blackout

Optimists// We replace very sad thoughts. We add hope. Life has begun again. 

A Bright Future// The future will be the spotlight on the maps used to preserve man 

No Judging Zone// The people who are not judges tend to have a firm handle on the raw public 

Now// I can't afford waiting.

Slow Down// If it looks to good to be true... Slow down your experience (Bonus points if you can find the grammar error in this one) 

Eavesdroppers// It's awful tempting for a would-be eavesdropper to look for crowded places 

Carpe Diem// I am focused on seizing this year 

Who Am I?

Watch this video to find out who I am-
https://youtu.be/D2X85RGY-VA

Short Stories

Here's a list of songs

And next to them is a short story/memory of what they remind me of

I didn't think I had so many songs with so many memories

Affection// All-American Rejects: I filmed the cheesiest horror movie ever with Brynn Patten and we put this song in and it's not even a scary song 

Airplanes// B.o.b: I could rap this entire song in 6th grade and Spencer Shumway thought I was so cool because of it

Already Home// A Great Big World: Eliza Terry showed me this song in student council and I fell in love with it

Because We Can// Bon Jovi: Kyle Vinzant would always sing this song when he was around me and I memorized it word for word only because of how many times he played it in my car 

Best Day of My Life// American Authors: I helped Amy Miller film her student council video a and we put this song in and she won 

Change Your Mind// The Killers: Kevin Bigler had a crush on me in 9th grade and every time I heard this song, I imagined him singing it to me

Circle of Life// Lion King: This song makes me feel so ALIVE so I use it for my alarm clock to get excited for the days but it always terrifies me when I wake up to someone yelling "Ahhhhhhh sveyn yaaaa co no mitchie waaaaa!!!" 

Dirty Paws// Of Monsters and Men: Listened to this on repeat while I was up in Canada so now I always think f Canada 

Drop the World// Lil Wayne: My brother and I would listen to this song every Easter and then have rap battles in my basement 

House of Gold// 21 Pilots: Cam Jolley and I made cookies for Tucker Nixon on his birthday and we listened to this song 

I Need You// M83: I listened to this song when I first hopped on my bike and rode down the huge hill by my house to run away to Ogden

Just Keep Breathing// We the Kings: Olivia Torgersen and I rode 17 miles to Jake Taylor's house and had a jam session with him and learned this song 

Midnight City// M83: This one guy told me I was his soulmate and that we were going to get married and this was his favorite song so it makes me uncomfortable to listen to 

Me. Brightside// The Killers: Matt Barjenbruch told me I was the love of his life and I rejected him so he swore his head off at me but he still made me a CD for Christmas and it had this song on it 

Never Stop//Safety Suit: I had a "boyfriend" named Andrew Murphy and this was my favorite song at the time

You're Not the One// Chester See: When I broke up with him, he told me to listen to this song 

You'll Be Okay// A Great Big World: So I told him to listen to this song 

Rockstar// A Great Big World: my band played this in the ninth grade talent show. I was on triangle

Sing// My Chemical Romance: This is my running song because in the middle of it, the singer just yells "Keep running!" 

Oh Emily// Jukebox the Ghost: This song reminds me of myself because I could never be in a relationship, simply because I love everyone else too much 

Roller Coaster// Bleachers: I went to Disneyland with Emma Kronmiller and this reminds me of that trip

Geronimo// Sheppard: Meg Trout and I went to Lagoon three times over the summer and would always listen to this song 

Anna Sun// Walk the Moon: Every time I hear this song, I think of my friend Anna Hafen 

As We Ran// The National Parks: This reminds me of the video I made for English that was sooooo cool and had this song in it  

A letter to all my friends

Dear friends,

This might sound harsh but I'm changing things up a bit. I'm not going to try to be friends with you anymore. My HEART is not broken, but it's not whole either. It's spread between hundreds of people each wanting a part of it and I know it's good to share, but I still believe that I need to save some for myself. I've been too harsh on my HEART lately and I don't think it remembers what true love is which hurts my insides a little. It's been dragged and traded and lost and forgotten and now is the time to put it first. So if I don't invite you to hang out, or don't get you a birthday present, it's because I'm letting my HEART take it easy and I'm not giving it up so easily. Don't take it personally, I've just bitten off more than I can chew and part of that was you but I think it just means things won't be the same again. Friends, I love you with all my HEART but that is why I'm letting you go because if I can't give you all, then it's not worth the time. And I know I wasn't a huge part in your life because nobody cared enough to support me in what I love. So I know you can manage without me. Anyways, this is simply a letter letting you know I hope your life is filled with the people and things that make you feel alive and forget how to breathe. I'll still think about you every day. 

Sincerely, a person with too many friends 

EXPLANATION (that probably doesn't do it much justice but I'll give it a shot): this blog post is 100% for me and if you don't gain anything from it, that is fine with me because you're not supposed to. I just needed to get it off my chest and today I was finally brave enough to do so. (I hope). Also, I may sound like the most selfish, narcisstic, and ungrateful person out there but I think if you really knew my heart, you wouldn't think that anymore. I'm just trying to do what's best for my life. 

Getting rid of should

NWhat if

We replaced the word "should"

With "it would be nice"

I think that would make our lives a lot better

Because instead of saying

I should go to bed soon

I'd say, it would be nice if I went to bed soon 

And it would be nice!

Doesn't that make you want to do something just a little more?

It's not forceful at all

It's just a friendly suggestion

But it sounds really nice! 

It would be nice if I did my homework

It would be nice if I ate healthier

It would be nice if I complimented him

I think I'll stop saying the word should 

Hurts

I promised myself I'd never write a sad post

But when you get HURTS on your blue ticket 

It's kind of hard to avoid

I also promised my mom I'd work on being home on time

And I promised my friend I'd hang out with her

I promised my brother I'd call him more often because we never talk anymore

Looks like I'm not very good at keeping promises

And it HURTS

I try, I really do

But when you're trying to call your brother, and hang out with your friend, and be home on time, it's hard to keep promises

You know what else HURTS??

Stubbing your toe

Especially when you're at a friends house

And you don't want to just fall on the ground writhing in pain

But the pain! 

Man does it HURT!

Slow down

Breathe

The pain will go away

And it won't HURT anymore

It won't (hurt) anymore

IT WON'T HURT ANYMORE

Because this is not a sad post

And this week I will be home on time

And I will call my brother 

And I will hang out with my friend

And I will keep my promises because 

I'm talking to you here

The person reading this

This is a week of new beginnings 

And much-needed endings

And keeping promises 

And a week of hope

And joy

And raking leaves to appreciate fall

So when your body or heart or soul is 

HURTING

so much

Remember 

If you don't ever feel pain

You won't ever know happiness

It'll all make sense eventually 

I PROMISE 

How to tell if I like you

If I always ignore you because I'm too scared to say anything to you

If you ask me to hang out with you last minute and I say yes (because 92% of the time it means I canceled plans with someone else to hang out with you)

If I text you random questions that I could easily figure out on my own 

If I try to get to know your friends/ask them to hang out 

If I tell you any of my secrets 

If I ask for a picture with you at one point

If I stay up late texting you or text you a lot because I do not like wasting time texting 

If I don't introduce you to any of my friends 

If you ask for a favor and I go above and beyond to do it for you 

If you ask me and I say yes 

10

10 years 

Since I moved 

And back then I didn't realize the fear of different schools

New friends

Big changes

10 months 

Since I realized friends come and go

And back then I realized the fear of 

Eating lunch alone and

Spending weekends at home

10 weeks 

Since I started a new year

And I didn't understand the fear

Of colleges 

And money

And LIFE 

10 days 

Since mid-fall break

And I was terrified of

End of term 

Disappointing my team

Losing friends

10 hours 

Since a nice Sunday afternoon

And I was scared to text a boy

And letting my parents down

10 minutes 

Since I started on this post 

And I'm afraid it won't be good enough

And people will just think I'm a tourist

10 seconds 

Since I tried so hard

To not be afraid 

Of things I can't change 

10 letters

That I hated to admit

But I think we all feel this way sometimes

I'M SO AFRAID

What I know

I know lemonade tastes better when it's in a glass bottle

I know sunrises are more satisfying than sunsets

I know love hurts like nothing else but when it works out, it's worth it

I know losing someone is one of the worst feelings ever

I know understanding math is one of the best feelings ever

And so is having a clean room

I know most people don't realize how much I think about them

I know hard work pays off in the end

I know I sleep too little and dream too much

And when I happen to see a shooting star, or 11:11, maybe it's not magical but it sure is a special moment 

I know life gets rough

And people get mean

And things get hard

But I know that no matter what

It can only get better 

A Happy Post

Everyone says it's easier to write about sad things

But I don't know if I believe that

So this is for you Nelson

Because I know how much you'll enjoy it

The other day the lady in front of me at the grocery store gave me $20 for no reason other than to be kind

One day I never hit a single red light

I got the highest score on my math test that I've gotten in four years

A car backed into mine... And we both drove off without a scratch

A random newly wed couple at the temple paid for my $120 parking ticket

My sister cleaned my entire room and did all my laundry

Every Wednesday I get to work with my crush

I found 6 pennies heads up one day

And some people might think I just get lucky a lot

But I know that's not the case

I don't believe in coincidence 

Or chance

I believe in reason

And fate 

And I blame myself for everything that happens in my life 

If Bricks Could Speak

"Get away from me, you're squishing me"

"Wait put me up higher! I can't see anything!"

"Can everyone get off of me?? I can't breathe!" 

"Help! I'm about to fall!" 

"Where are you taking me? I've never been here before!" 

"Hey, you're cute! And so are you! And you! You guys all look the same!" 

"What is this stuff you're putting on me? It feels gross"

"Hmm... Why is that guy across the street breaking that window?" 

"I wish I was part of that cool painted wall!"

"Hey stop, I think that's illegal. Stop spraying that on me! GRAFFITI IS NOT ALLOWED!" 

"Hey excuse me, I have an itch on my back that I can't reach. Oh, you can't reach it either? Can anyone?" 

"Glad I can help support your house" 

"Why is that dog peeing on me??"

"Hmm well this got boring after ten minutes..."

"Thanks for always coming up in the morning sun!"

They asked

They asked if I believed in love at first sight

Of course I did

I said

Isn't it obvious?

Have you ever driven up the canyon right after a thunderstorm

And everything is so green 

And the fog is only letting you see

Bits and pieces 

Of this masterpiece 

And that is why I love the canyon

Then they said

Well have you ever been IN love?

And I said of course!

I'm in love with life

That is why I get out of bed as early as I can in the morning

Because I don't want to miss a single second of life

That is why I can't wait for Monday's

Because it means the beginning of a new week 

And then they said this-

But what about true love? 

And I simply answered

All love is true

If it's not true, it's not real

And real love is the only love that exists 

To Do List:

-Call an old friend and tell them how amazing they are and just talk and latch up and let them know you love them

-Go on a drive through the city or the canyon right at sunset or before the sun rises and blast your music and feel alive

-Clean your room and your car and your mouth and your inbox. I promise it feels good

-Say hello to your lab partner in the hallways even if you're not good friends because who knows maybe they just want a hello

-Ace your calc test and English essay and win your game and competition and be proud of all the hard work you put into it!

-Ask your teacher's how their day is going and what's new. Just because they're older than you doesn't mean you can't be friends 

-Compliment your mom on how great she looks in her new pair of jeans like "dang, you look 29 in those!"

-Have a one person dance party, jam out, show off your moves because your mirror will most definitely be impressed!

-Set your alarm twenty minutes early and spend that time meditating and make yourself a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast and your day will be great! 

-Stop at the store on your way home and buy your sister a candy bar or Chapstick or a cool action figure and it will make her day! 

-Go a whole hour/day/month/year without saying ANYTHING bad about anyone else 

:) 

My Favorite Word

Gen•shai

/GEN-shy/

noun

The action of never treating another person in a manner that would make them feel small. 

92%

I took the how human are you quiz

And got 92%

Take that Nelson

And I feel like I'm mostly, if not all the way human 

But then I look at other people

And I feel different from them

And I wonder

Am I the human

Or are they? 

Because I don't cry over break ups and friends

And I don't listen to sad songs to try to comfort me when I'm down

Because where's the logic in that?

But it seems like everyone does it so maybe their right?

And when someone makes me angry

I don't swear at them or ignore them 

I make them cookies 

Or bring them a fresh peach pie

Like the time the mean office lady dress coded me

Or when my best friend didn't invite me to her party

But nobody else does that so maybe I'm wrong 

And I'm not afraid of anything

And I never get stressed

And here I am surrounded by fearful and stressed out people

And I think I'm the coolest person ever and never think bad of myself

While everyone else out there is being so hard on themselves 

And when I don't like something, I change it

And when I'm not having a good time, I leave

And when I want something, I get it

But I just feel like nobody else is doing that

And I love my life and school and every single person out there

But everyone else seems to be complaining and hating on life and school and every single person out there 

Maybe I just don't understand 

Maybe humans aren't supposed to be happy or love life? 

But I like it like that so I'll keep doing what I'm doing

And if I am the human here, then I'll keep being human

Or maybe I just don't like sad songs 

YOLO

"You only live once" 

Said those kids 

As they told me to risk it

To do something crazy

Haha what a lie

What a small thought for a small mind

Doesn't the world understand?

You live every day 

You live every second

And every moment 

And every time you take a breath

You're living

And it's not a one time thing

When you're at the top of a roller coaster

About to drop 

And you freeze 

And try to breathe 

Because you just lived

A moment that might only happen once

Or when you get a call

You hear your best friend's voice

And it's not the same 

And they tell you

"Horrible accident"

"Totaled car"

And you freeze but then you hear

"Nobody's hurt" 

And you can breathe again

And you're grateful they can live again

And you're grateful you can live some more

Or moments when it's pouring rain

And you and your friends get in your cars

And it won't start

So there you are 

In the pouring rain

Covered in trash bags because nobody has jackets

And those happened to be in your trunk 

And red goes on positive

Black goes on negative

And it's your first time without an adult

And you're afraid of sparks

For the first time in your life 

But when both engines start

And no sparks fly

You breathe 

And laugh 

Because you're wearing a trash bag

In the pouring rain

And somehow still managed to get soaking wet

And you're surrounded by friends

And gained a good story

You're glad you can live

And experience life 

So don't take it for granted 

But don't worry about the bad things or messing up 

Because it's just another part of life

And at the end of the day

Or week 

Or year

You've lived so many times

And so many moments

And you know

You don't only live once 

Express

I think it's funny that when we're sad, we cry but when we're happy, our bodies literally don't know what to do. We can smile and laugh but it doesn't express ourselves as much as crying when we're sad. I think the only explanation for this is that we must pass our happiness on. We must share our happiness with others, serve and help and create happy memories with people and that is the only way to truly express your happiness. So next time you're feeling on top of the world, I ask of you, please share that feeling with someone else

CRAYONS

"Can I hold the sky in my hands?"

Reality says no but I say go for it 

And if the stars slip between 

Your fingers, let them go 

Open your palms wide 

Notice the light that is

Slowly escaping, and set it free 

Reassurance

I remember the day my brother discovered what was inside of a pine cone 

It was a small green seed

But by the look on his face you would've though he discovered America or something!

Because I swear for the next hour he went up to every person he could find and told them about his incredible discovery

Seriously the smile on his face 

And the way he jumped around

Doesn't that reassure you a little? 

Just the fact that a 6 year old can get so much joy out of a pine cone

Doesn't that make you feel a little better? Like you don't need to discover America or win a million dollars to be happy

A small green seed can be all it takes

Isn't that reassuring? 

No Hats

"No hats" read the sign, along with no drugs and no weapons.
Don't know how hats can fit in the same category as drugs and weapons but I guess that's how it is when you go to court
And there I was with a druggie on my left, a thief on my right, and a man behind me accused for domestic violence
Don't know how I ended up in the same room as these people but I guess that's how it is when you go to court
I've never said "yes sir" and "no sir" more in my life
And never once had I called anyone "your honor" until then
I should've gotten Gov and Cit credit for sitting in that courtroom
I think I learned more about government and citizenship in there than I have in any classroom
and I'm still curious about the girl sitting in the back of the courtroom
I left before I could hear her story
Was she just a kid like me?
Did she notice the "No hats" sign when she walked in?

So Let Us Create

Life is a combined effort, not a singular act that we can get through with slow motions and quiet whispers. As small as the cells in our bodies that work together to keep our lungs breathing that ever so precious air and our hearts pumping, just excited to be alive. And as big as the stars that rotate in the sky and move together to continue helping the universe expand, we as a human race are made to help each other. So let us create. Let us create happiness and unity and support and kindness because helping each other is unavoidable. It's in our bones, in our souls, and this is hopefully my tiny contribution to the giant web of helpfulness towards each other and for myself. So read and feel and ponder and dream and I hope you can gain as much from this blog as I will.