Who Am I?

Watch this video to find out who I am-
https://youtu.be/D2X85RGY-VA

Short Stories

Here's a list of songs

And next to them is a short story/memory of what they remind me of

I didn't think I had so many songs with so many memories

Affection// All-American Rejects: I filmed the cheesiest horror movie ever with Brynn Patten and we put this song in and it's not even a scary song 

Airplanes// B.o.b: I could rap this entire song in 6th grade and Spencer Shumway thought I was so cool because of it

Already Home// A Great Big World: Eliza Terry showed me this song in student council and I fell in love with it

Because We Can// Bon Jovi: Kyle Vinzant would always sing this song when he was around me and I memorized it word for word only because of how many times he played it in my car 

Best Day of My Life// American Authors: I helped Amy Miller film her student council video a and we put this song in and she won 

Change Your Mind// The Killers: Kevin Bigler had a crush on me in 9th grade and every time I heard this song, I imagined him singing it to me

Circle of Life// Lion King: This song makes me feel so ALIVE so I use it for my alarm clock to get excited for the days but it always terrifies me when I wake up to someone yelling "Ahhhhhhh sveyn yaaaa co no mitchie waaaaa!!!" 

Dirty Paws// Of Monsters and Men: Listened to this on repeat while I was up in Canada so now I always think f Canada 

Drop the World// Lil Wayne: My brother and I would listen to this song every Easter and then have rap battles in my basement 

House of Gold// 21 Pilots: Cam Jolley and I made cookies for Tucker Nixon on his birthday and we listened to this song 

I Need You// M83: I listened to this song when I first hopped on my bike and rode down the huge hill by my house to run away to Ogden

Just Keep Breathing// We the Kings: Olivia Torgersen and I rode 17 miles to Jake Taylor's house and had a jam session with him and learned this song 

Midnight City// M83: This one guy told me I was his soulmate and that we were going to get married and this was his favorite song so it makes me uncomfortable to listen to 

Me. Brightside// The Killers: Matt Barjenbruch told me I was the love of his life and I rejected him so he swore his head off at me but he still made me a CD for Christmas and it had this song on it 

Never Stop//Safety Suit: I had a "boyfriend" named Andrew Murphy and this was my favorite song at the time

You're Not the One// Chester See: When I broke up with him, he told me to listen to this song 

You'll Be Okay// A Great Big World: So I told him to listen to this song 

Rockstar// A Great Big World: my band played this in the ninth grade talent show. I was on triangle

Sing// My Chemical Romance: This is my running song because in the middle of it, the singer just yells "Keep running!" 

Oh Emily// Jukebox the Ghost: This song reminds me of myself because I could never be in a relationship, simply because I love everyone else too much 

Roller Coaster// Bleachers: I went to Disneyland with Emma Kronmiller and this reminds me of that trip

Geronimo// Sheppard: Meg Trout and I went to Lagoon three times over the summer and would always listen to this song 

Anna Sun// Walk the Moon: Every time I hear this song, I think of my friend Anna Hafen 

As We Ran// The National Parks: This reminds me of the video I made for English that was sooooo cool and had this song in it  

A letter to all my friends

Dear friends,

This might sound harsh but I'm changing things up a bit. I'm not going to try to be friends with you anymore. My HEART is not broken, but it's not whole either. It's spread between hundreds of people each wanting a part of it and I know it's good to share, but I still believe that I need to save some for myself. I've been too harsh on my HEART lately and I don't think it remembers what true love is which hurts my insides a little. It's been dragged and traded and lost and forgotten and now is the time to put it first. So if I don't invite you to hang out, or don't get you a birthday present, it's because I'm letting my HEART take it easy and I'm not giving it up so easily. Don't take it personally, I've just bitten off more than I can chew and part of that was you but I think it just means things won't be the same again. Friends, I love you with all my HEART but that is why I'm letting you go because if I can't give you all, then it's not worth the time. And I know I wasn't a huge part in your life because nobody cared enough to support me in what I love. So I know you can manage without me. Anyways, this is simply a letter letting you know I hope your life is filled with the people and things that make you feel alive and forget how to breathe. I'll still think about you every day. 

Sincerely, a person with too many friends 

EXPLANATION (that probably doesn't do it much justice but I'll give it a shot): this blog post is 100% for me and if you don't gain anything from it, that is fine with me because you're not supposed to. I just needed to get it off my chest and today I was finally brave enough to do so. (I hope). Also, I may sound like the most selfish, narcisstic, and ungrateful person out there but I think if you really knew my heart, you wouldn't think that anymore. I'm just trying to do what's best for my life. 

Getting rid of should

NWhat if

We replaced the word "should"

With "it would be nice"

I think that would make our lives a lot better

Because instead of saying

I should go to bed soon

I'd say, it would be nice if I went to bed soon 

And it would be nice!

Doesn't that make you want to do something just a little more?

It's not forceful at all

It's just a friendly suggestion

But it sounds really nice! 

It would be nice if I did my homework

It would be nice if I ate healthier

It would be nice if I complimented him

I think I'll stop saying the word should 

Hurts

I promised myself I'd never write a sad post

But when you get HURTS on your blue ticket 

It's kind of hard to avoid

I also promised my mom I'd work on being home on time

And I promised my friend I'd hang out with her

I promised my brother I'd call him more often because we never talk anymore

Looks like I'm not very good at keeping promises

And it HURTS

I try, I really do

But when you're trying to call your brother, and hang out with your friend, and be home on time, it's hard to keep promises

You know what else HURTS??

Stubbing your toe

Especially when you're at a friends house

And you don't want to just fall on the ground writhing in pain

But the pain! 

Man does it HURT!

Slow down

Breathe

The pain will go away

And it won't HURT anymore

It won't (hurt) anymore

IT WON'T HURT ANYMORE

Because this is not a sad post

And this week I will be home on time

And I will call my brother 

And I will hang out with my friend

And I will keep my promises because 

I'm talking to you here

The person reading this

This is a week of new beginnings 

And much-needed endings

And keeping promises 

And a week of hope

And joy

And raking leaves to appreciate fall

So when your body or heart or soul is 

HURTING

so much

Remember 

If you don't ever feel pain

You won't ever know happiness

It'll all make sense eventually 

I PROMISE 

How to tell if I like you

If I always ignore you because I'm too scared to say anything to you

If you ask me to hang out with you last minute and I say yes (because 92% of the time it means I canceled plans with someone else to hang out with you)

If I text you random questions that I could easily figure out on my own 

If I try to get to know your friends/ask them to hang out 

If I tell you any of my secrets 

If I ask for a picture with you at one point

If I stay up late texting you or text you a lot because I do not like wasting time texting 

If I don't introduce you to any of my friends 

If you ask for a favor and I go above and beyond to do it for you 

If you ask me and I say yes